I’ve been getting a real kick out reading the labels on things while I’m in the shower. Who comes up with these? And how much are they getting paid? Here are a few of my recent favorites:
“Real Ingredients” Because those other brands? They use pretend ingredients. They just want you to think you’re using shampoo, but really, it’s all in your imagination.
“Dry Skin Relief After Just One Use” Is it always the first use? Or do you get to pick which one use gives you relief from your dry skin? Wouldn’t that give you emotional trauma? I can see it now, you’re standing in the shower. You reach for the soap. Wait! Is today the day? Is this the very worst day my skin is ever going to have? I mean, yeah, it’s pretty bad today, but what if tomorrow is worse?? Then, by the time you decide, all the hot water is gone, and you realize – it would have been cheaper and more efficient to just buy a bottle of lotion too.
“Devastates Odor” I don’t want a poor odor! That’s even worse than your ordinary odor. Or are they wanting to make my odor sad? Either way, I don’t like it! I would rather my odor just be gone.